Although now a default method of transportation, it took humans seven million years to master just the first stroll. What proved to be an irrevocable step towards evolutionary precision is now, without a doubt, taken for granted especially as a child will be deemed a little dim if he or she has not mastered this skill within only a few years of existing. The art of putting one foot after the other is work of pure genius!
#2 Swallowing Pills
Perhaps it is just me with an aversion to swallowing larger that humanly-preferable items but it took me years to build up the courage to attempt this sorcery. With gag-reflexes on high-alert, this is a tricky one and hence an underrated life skill especially for those whose throats can handle swallowing pills without a second thought.
#3 Applying Eye liner
For those people who decide that covering your face in chemicals with the odd dash of congealed whale fat is not the way to go, applying eye liner is a highly underrated life skill. When I was around eleven I was occasionally referred to as ‘the girl who couldn’t put on eye liner’… although my problem wasn’t that I ‘couldn’t‘ put it on (in fact, saying I’d over do the make-up a little may be discrediting the fact my whole face became a dark shade of black) but it was because it looked like a total mess. The art of applying eye liner, I believe, could be an entire degree… it takes patience, a little creativity and mountains of impossible dexterity.
#4 Eating Broccoli
I have yet to acquire the skill of being able to stomach this green and irritatingly healthy vegetable, and I have great envy for those who can. I’ve been told that it is even possible to reach the level of skill to actually enjoy munching this tiny tree-like cuisine. Wow!
#5 Blinking and Other Reflexes
This is arguably the most underrated life skill as we barely even notice, and therefore never fully appreciate, the reflexes conducted by our bodies which include blinking, breathing and swearing. We’d be pretty stuck if our bodies didn’t decide to take control of these vital functions.
During exam season it’s always easy to feel as though life is being put on hold. Instead, it is replaced by a monotonous string of revision and sleep that grows so cyclical life becomes more of a recurring nightmare with nothing but brightly coded time tables and towering revision cards to keep you from waking up.
Consequently I find myself forever adding to a list of things to do ‘after’ exams; which, this year consists of mastering the impossible ‘F’ chord, pouring myself into Sims 3 and starting an appreciation society for elbows.
During the past month I have drunk enough energy drinks to give even the sturdiest cardiologist a heart attack. I have somehow managed to turn three essays across all of my subject exams into feminist rants where the paper became the victim of the only woman who, perhaps, shouldn’t have received the rights to wield a pen. I also befell a very Cinderella-esque situation with a doomed sock.
Clearly I’ve been keeping on top of my madness despite my nagging educational commitments!
It has recently been decided that money in the UK will be receiving a bit of a makeover and, in the habitual British manner of never welcoming change ever, it has predictably sparked a considerable amount of controversy.
A particularly noteworthy change to the currency will be Jane Austen’s replacement of our dear old Charles Darwin on the ten pound note. As the scientists among us raise their arms in anger, the literary snobs and feminists alike cannot wait to spend their ‘victory’.
This conflict, I feel, is perfect in mirroring my own personal conflict- being both a lover of science as well as literature in a world where these career paths couldn’t be more divided.
However, my concern with regards to this matter is not with what they’ve chosen but why.
On hearing the news that the five pound note was ditching the ‘only woman’ featured on British currency, feminists became outraged (because lets face it, at this point in time they really have nothing else to bitch about) and so Jane Austen secured her own place on our dosh.
But they seem to be forgetting a certain lady who has featured on every single penny and pound since 1953.
Her sparkling whites are not only on our money but on our stamps, mugs and even cushions!
(although the latter two are not exactly compulsory.)
So does this mean, as a nation, we have decided that the Queen does not represent a successful woman? That she, alone, is not good enough to represent the females of our country and satisfy feminists?
That she is worth little more than the money she is printed on?
A childhood typically involves many tortures; whether it’s being forced to wear your mother’s choice of sickly civvies, enduring endless hours in maths class or, in my case, being made to watch football.
Like most children, I was a whippersnapper perplexed by the world. Large numbers and large humans (a.k.a. the ‘grown ups’) mused me to no end. A fundamental confusion that apparently also spread to the Football pitch.
This is because, in my childish silliness, I believed that the players who kicked a ball on the TV were, in fact, robots.
In my mind they were mechanical beings designed only with the ability to repel and attract a spherical object at the amusement of an entire crowd of cheering adults.
Perhaps this minor absence of sense stemmed from the precision of the players; they always seemed to be so accurate and never appeared tired or without fuel.
Although it can be said that I’m not the birdbrain that I once was with regards to this sport, I wouldn’t go as far as to say I understand it entirely.
I mean, grown men in a field kicking around a ball for millions of pounds? I think I’d sooner understand quantum physics!
I spend 6 hours a day learning how to answer questions.
In fact, I’ve been learning how to answer questions for over 3/4s of my entire existence.
And yet; the only answers that I ever seem to need, the ones that threaten to determine the pathway of my life, I can never find. Not that it’s necessarily a matter of searching…
What use is knowing that there are 180 degrees in a triangle when the love of your life wont ever know how you feel.
Sure, I know that E = MC² but I don’t know how people cope with deaths of loved ones.
And the area of a circle will always equal Pi x Diameter, but there are people in the world who wont always have life’s basic necessities .. water, food security.
I suppose there just isn’t a formula to work out humanity’s problems.
Which is a shame since I think that I’m long overdue a formula book to life.