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Having survived my first semester at university, albeit somewhat haphazardly, I like to think that I  have already learned a great number of things with regards to surviving the ‘outside world’. In what I hope will become something of a ‘how-to’ series, I will share my snippets of advice  alongside my first-hand woes that naturally stem from a girl who has yet to master the art of living smoothly.

A lot can rest in first impressions- it is the difference between being ‘that intelligent female  who knows a lot about 17th century literature’ and being ‘that girl who parades around with yesterday’s lasagne stuck to her face’. And never are first impressions quite so important than when you start university; when every impression is both first and nightmarishly   immortal. It’s not breaking news to reveal that a drunken slobbery kiss the night before is a terribly awkward encounter in Tesco’s the day after.

But even those ‘did I really lick his face last night?’ encounters do not compare to the events of my first day of higher education. It started with the mishap we all dread- walking into the wrong class- complete with a  sorry face of  pleading embarrassment together with  lost eyes longing for a hug and a forgiving cup of tea. The mathematics seminar group looked almost offended when I asked if this was the literature seminar. It wasn’t.
But all hope was not lost.

I turned around to see a young man waiting in the seats opposite the room I had attempted to enter. He was witness to my    shortcoming  and in a blaze of nervous adrenaline I blurted out my unrefined introductions. ‘Are you waiting for this room?’. I was relieved to learn that he was indeed waiting for the same class as me and- seeing a fine opportunity to start my quest for making friends- I began to chant my pleasantries.
‘Oh! That’s so cool! Where are you from?! That’s awesome! I’m from North Yorkshire! I really like your jumper! Do you have any plans for tonight?! That sounds awesome! Me? Oh! I need a night off, had a bit of a mad one last night that ended in me and my flatmates comparing dolphin impressions in the kitchen! …So, is it American literature you’re studying?’
‘Oh no’ he said.
‘I’m teaching it.’

And that is how not to make a fruitful first impression with your lecturers.

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Now, as much as I am familiar with the mindset of a characteristic ‘weirdo’, it would surely be impossible for me to hold the key to wooing the hearts of each one of them.

It’s because of this I shall be concentrating on the do’s and don’ts of how to woo the weirdo which I know best.

Myself.

But, who knows, perhaps there are others like myself out there (however much we may pray otherwise) and in which case, you are only moments away from learning the secrets to securing their love.

#1 Nose

I realise that this is a tricky one as it’s not exactly easy to change but I adore characteristic noses. By that, I mean, I find noses which are full of character alluring and attractive. They don’t call me weirdo for nothing!

#2 Hair

I’m going to assume that this one isn’t quite a rarity although when I was younger I was made an outcast for having an open crush on a very bearded teacher. I love hair. Perhaps it’s my primal blunder but I go weak at the knees for hairy knees!

#3 Quirky talents

Shamefully it wasn’t even that long ago when I thought that I had fallen in love with a man after he had completed a Rubik’s cube in front of my very eyes. Admittedly that seems a little crazy now but I suppose a peculiar skill corresponds with a peculiar, and all the more interesting, personality. Other quirky talents include telekinesis, fire-breathing and juggling.

#4 Grammar

Perhaps I am just easily impressed (or more snobby than I’d ever like to admit) but there is nothing more attractive than person who knows their ‘your’ from their ‘you’re’. As far as I’m concerned text language is the script of Satan n if u use it u luk kinda silly in ma opinion k?

#5 Inky

As an avid reader I often find myself falling for the characters which are, in effect,  just words on a page. Inky yet attractive, whether it’s the charming Mr. Darcy or the mysterious Heathcliff, I can’t get enough of those fictional fellas! (Warning: Ink poisoning is actually a thing so it’s probably best not to take this one too literally!)

And there you have it, my top tips in wooing a weirdo! I am, however, positive that there are many other, inconceivable ways to win their hearts and I shouldn’t doubt that imagination will prove very handy in your endeavor.

‘The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind’- Bob Dylan



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