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Monthly Archives: August 2014

Although I try to steer my life through the means of logic and reason, somewhere, it appears,  I have left enough room for a little superstition. As a generally arty-farty kind of person, it wasn’t unusual for me to attempt to draw the people who I had a crush on or was otherwise ardently ‘in love’ with as I’m sure I would have told you at the time of this passing fancy.

But, after maybe a few sketches along the road, I noticed a pattern between the sketching and the heart-breaking. It seemed it was never long after I’d drawn a person when that character would disastrously escape my life… which, of course, is a happier euphemism for ‘I was dumped soon after’.

Of course this  emerging pattern of coincidence did leave me to question myself as an artist; perhaps my amateur skills were more disagreeable than I had believed and enough to turn hearts as well as heads.

So now, out of sheer superstition, I never draw people who I’m remotely fond of, for fear that it will be the inevitable catalyst for a hurried escape! It’s become so true in my mind that this ‘curse’ exists, that I’ve even found myself tempted to draw people who I dislike for the single purpose of wanting them out of my life. Is this the kind of confession that might nullify my science qualifications?

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No wonder Bob Dylan has not yet responded to my letters of proposal!

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A recent self-portrait, although I don’t believe I’m going anywhere any time soon.

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In Summer, many people decide to embrace its corresponding sun by taking a cool, well-deserved dip at the seaside. However, the only dipping I’m doing this season is in the parameters of a sink where the waves are soapy and the seaweed is actually left-over cabbage.

Despite my recent upgrade in obtaining full A-Levels, there is no better place to start the path of careerism than at the bottom and in my case that bottom is a plug hole.

Though it may not be exactly glamorous or requiring much in the way of skills, I feel that I have, nonetheless, acquired a great deal of wisdom during my shifts as a washer-upper and this post will disclose these nuggets.

#1 Whisks are now your mortal enemy

With all those small edges and tight corners, these otherwise essential kitchen tools are a profound nuisance to wash. Needless to say they don’t only succeed in stirring soup and Yorkshire pudding batter but also a great deal of anguish during my soggy duties.

#2 Bubbles become a hair accessory

If you have ever imagined that a certain white foaminess would bring out the colour in your eyes then this is undoubtedly a plus! It is impossible to escape the stray suds so one must learn to embrace this otherwise unique and acquired look.

#3 Wrinkly hands

By the time my shift is over my hands look more like the ruins of a tiny volcanic eruption than actual human limbs. Forget face-lifts,  if only my tips could afford a permanent ‘hand-lift’!

 

So perhaps my hours of labour haven’t exactly left me tremendously enlightened, but it is an experience nonetheless!

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Talking to strangers is generally characterised, especially through novels and films, as an enlightening experience full of shared wisdom and thought-provoking pleasantries.
Although this certainly wasn’t the case when a thirty minute conversation with a stranger left me contemplating the career of gold-digging!

At a bus stop I had around 30 minutes to kill when an old man of around 70 sat beside me and began what initially took off as typically British weather-related small talk. Before too long, however, I was given a grand old glimpse into the early dating life of this fellow which seemed to involve a few women who, perhaps, went beyond the step of merely contemplating gold-digging. He told me about one woman who, after he’d spent an entire week’s wages on, left him after that single date and was never heard from again.

But this experience certainly hadn’t made him bitter, rather, he was encouraging me to follow in this girl’s footsteps! He advised me to take everything I can from men when I have the chance.

He was certainly a very sweet man and I don’t doubt his kind intentions but I’m not sure I’m entirely won-over on his amicable advice!

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