Perhaps, in a single word, last week could be described as tentative.
The subject of history at the moment, I feel, is almost like a rejected organ. I know I need it for my future, my brain knows it too, yet it seems like the more facts and figures that are shot my way the more eager my mind is to simply reject them.
Another interesting turn of events this week would be my lonely arrival to the ‘magazine club’ my school has created as part of the ‘enrichment’ options available. To me this sounded like such a wonderful opportunity and consequently I still cannot fathom why I was the only one out of over 100 people to show an interest! Fortunately the school now don’t expect an entire magazine out of their ‘club’; instead I am now to create a regular newsletter! At least now the needs of approval and conferring of my writing will be- to say the least- minimum.
On a final note I have realised how I despise being analysed. Yet, when I try to understand why this is I can only think it’s because I’m trying to avoid an uncovering of truth.
What am I trying to hide?
I realise that it is not some newly discovered phenomenon that people change.
But, as I look at old friends I find myself no longer seeing the person that I’d known for years, instead; a stranger.
It wasn’t death that murdered you. Perhaps it was society, public pressures or time.
Do you even think of me any more?
I miss you.
Perhaps the revelation of how I had managed to go to school with my pyjamas under my clothes can reflect the overall success at my first day at college.
A mixture of bad news, poor throwing and unavoidable encounters certainly accumulated to a rather disagreeable experience!
Yet -not wishing to focus at all on the bad- it was great seeing and meeting new people as well as catching up with familiar friends. It is, at the moment, quite daunting but if my experience in Iceland taught me one thing it is that with determination you can do anything.
So I write this determined not to let just a single day affect my future because, and I quote-
‘It’s not what the world holds for us; it’s what we bring to it’.